New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
