The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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