At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
