No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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