shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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