I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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