dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
