Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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