I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize