im drinking this country out of the recession.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
