Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
