so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
