I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
