I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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