the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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