Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
