Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
