How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
