Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
time to smoke my breakfast
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
