Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
