It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
