i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
