Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
