no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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