once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
