I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
