I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
