Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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