I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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