So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
