Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize