I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize