im drinking this country out of the recession.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
