I should be sponsored by Trojan
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i out mim tonsoeep
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
