you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
