Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
