I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone signed my nipple.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize