we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
