It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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