dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
