Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
