it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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