He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
