She is in my trunk
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
