that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
