Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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