Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
