Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
