So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
