Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
