Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
