yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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