rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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