i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
