saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
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