Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
