PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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