I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
