I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
