The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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