Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Let's paint friendship bongs
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
