Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
