you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
