It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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