I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it hurts more in the daytime
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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