just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
