Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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