my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
