I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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