i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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