I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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