did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
