everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
