some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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