I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
